matthewnguyen

Help me by helping you

I don't despise people themselves. It's their actions which I truly despise. Put it in perspective, you dislike a person. Why? It's because of their actions, thoughts, qualities and such. But do you dislike the person him or herself? Of course since all those qualities create that person. However, if it is only one quality which you hate, can you say you dislike that person? Be reasonable now. It depends I guess. If that quality is horrendous then I would understand. Although hate in this world, quite a few times, is short-lived. You have a burst of rioting emotions and you vent it out in the most primitive way, violence whether through fists or words. Then when it dies down, you contemplate about what the other person did and what you did. You question yourself or you reassure yourself that your actions were wrong or right respectively.

So when you say or think, "I hate him/her" have a think about it. Is their personality really that terrible? Is there appearance really that horrifying? Are their actions and their thoughts really that disgusting? Maybe it is. For that moment. You perceive every aspect of that person to be hated solely by you or by everyone. And will it last? It depends on your tolerance and conditions for forgiveness. Which is also another aspect which can be hated and criticised upon. So are you really doing things for yourself? Are you helping people out of goodwill, or just to improve your own image? Despite it being tedious and you don't want to do it, do you help people for selfish or considerable reasons?

This is where the real stuff comes in. Have we lost our identity by being blinded by our self-produced image? Helping others to gain favours, rapport, reputation and the rest are all the same thing. You are helping others to ultimately benefit yourself, of course there's an ulterior motive. You're lending someone money, it's either because you don't want to be on bad terms with them, want to be on good terms with them, helping them for an overall good reputation, for the sake of it or you just did it on a whim. The people who I perceive to be most helpful are those who are the lattermost. They have no motive unless it's for entertainment which is nothing. But it comes at a disadvantage. You gain nothing. Physically. Though you develop a psychological aura that i perceive to be along the lines of this. I help for nothing. Think of me as you will. I. Do. Not. Care. Of. What. You. Think.

This can be perceived as a bad thing as they're throwing stuff away, giving away free stuff which can be leached off easily. And now I'm confused because you get taken advantage of and if you refuse to help anymore, people will say you've gotten selfish (they always compare to what you were like before) and then you will feel guilt and all. But nevermind all that. The thing is, whatever you do or say will be criticised. You are a mere speck in this universe. Your opinions, thoughts and actions are insignificant. Someone will always be out there to disagree and despise you. Whether you do good, you will be criticised for having an ulterior motive. If you do nothing, you will be criticised for being inconsiderate. If you do something bad, you will be criticised for being selfish. There really is no action which can be considered neutral in this world. Neutrality is a lie and doesn't exist.
"I would root for either team" - "This faggot can't think for himself despite my statistics" - "I've been friends with him for so long and he won't side with me?" - "Being neutral eh, indecisive simpleton" - Making up a third choice is really pathetic"

Though some circumstances won't allow you to choose one or the other, special circumstances. I'm sure you know what those are or can at least formulate questions like those within your mind. And once again, i have ranted to my heart's content. I was supposed to be talking about hate, but i strayed somewhere else. I'll be able to post proper topics after HSC, but for now, neutrality is non existent.