matthewnguyen

Kanojo

I used to think that having a girlfriend was a bad idea and now, I'm not so sure. I don't know if I've reached the point in life where I'm occupied with studies and games just not being as entertaining as they were before. But I do realise one thing; you can't just get a girlfriend. Those people who say, "I need a girlfriend/boyfriend" are in the wrong in my opinion.

You can't really expect to waltz right up to one of your friends, spout out some romantics and ask them to be your partner. Well you can do that, but I don't think it will lead to a good relationship. I think that having a true girlfriend/boyfriend is just something mutually done silently. I know it sounds really shallow and wrong, but I think by spending a lot of time with the girl you like, communicating with her and helping her out is how it works. Of course it has to be somewhat mutual or you could just be a mere servant to her. I mean, I don't know how to explain it at all. Maybe that's why there's all this 'official' business of asking them out, but acting all lovey dovey before that?

I just imagine myself sharing all these awkward silences with the girl I like before noticing that I wasn't really looking for a girlfriend, it just happened. I think I'm going to wait out to find the right person, there's just no point dwelling on finding one myself. I don't have those dashing looks or godly physique, I'm not smart or rich, but I have patience. I'm not meant to find a girlfriend. I'm meant to befriend a girl and see how the relationship plays out, if I get attracted to her then I will try to become closer, if she does the same to me, I don't know what I'll do. If it's a mutual liking we have for each other than it just needs to become official. The mentality of having a girlfriend and acting lovey dovey for one girl is completely different. That's if I fail with my current admirance for someone.

I know being passive is terrible. But I have no idea what to do. Do I just need acceptance? Affection? Am I just an attention seeking dog hungry for love whether it be superficial or real? Wakaranai. Maybe I'll turn out to be one of those clingy boyfriends. Though the thought of that disgusts me, everyone needs time alone. But I'm rambling. Time to continue my marketing essay.