matthewnguyen

Acceptance

I'm finished with girlfriend-boyfriend relationships. I've liked only 2 girls in my life and now it just seems so futile. I don't think i'll find that feeling again and it's probably because I don't want to find it. This spiral of emotions which plunge me into the dark, it's not something I dislike. Not at all. It's just become something i got used to. Listening to others, helping them out, being with them all; it distracts me from my own troubles.

However, I do deal with my own troubles. By myself of course. Finding someone to trust is so difficult. Wherever I go there is only a web of lies, fake smiles and contempt. Ignorance is bliss. How I wish I was ignorant, but that is too late. Where did it all go wrong? It never did. Nothing ever went wrong because this is the nature of humans. This is what I've accepted and everything I hear, I remember that.

Everyone has their own beliefs. Everyone is right in their own way. There is no "black and white", the world is not foolish enough to be of a monochrome nature. There are only twisted colours surging around everyone, stabbing others, strangling others, engulfing others with ideals which may or may not be similar to their own. There is no artist that exists. It is simply chaos. Chaos with no end. There is nothing to hope or wish for in this world. Miracles and tragedies can only be accepted. Nothing more or less can be done.

And I will continue to accept everything. To refrain myself from questioning. To just watch my endlessly overflowing bottle. To be engulfed in my own river of distortion.

I don't expect anyone to understand.

These feelings belong to me alone.